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Hare: Wally, not Sparkley
Location: Perry Hill, Worplesdon
It was great to see everyone's new glad-rags. Wally, resplendent in blue, Cynthia sporting pink and OTAHO had plumbed for red. In the 14th century black was traditionally worn by royalty, the clergy and government officials, so of course, a number had gone for that too. Finally, Lady Garden had a top that was at least two-thirds right.
Drinkerbell had apparently escaped from Colditz to be there. Pocket Rocket hadn't even had time to take off his football boots.
The hare informed us to be careful when crossing roads and asked us to watch out for falsies. A brief search turns up that falsies are "pads of material in women's clothing used to increase the apparent size of the breasts."
I'm pretty sure a number of hashers would be watching out for them.
Doctor Rear's health appears to be on the wane whilst Old Mac must be on the wax. Lady Garden was nominated as the stand in pussy, possibly due to the state of his horn.
Little Fecker, International Athlete, potential world champion, was considering his new weight-loss routine which involved catching campylobacter by licking Doctor Rear's butt.
Wally had thoughtfully organised a number of regroups, presumably worried about the introduction of world-class racers to the company. Sadly, the promised sun-set at Katie Price hill had been scheduled a 9 o'clock BST rather than GMT leading to the suggestion off too much G&T.
Birth's exclamation, "Are we stood here for a reason?", might have caused problems for philosophers, but thought has rarely been a big issue for GH3.
Despite the stops, beer was not provided. Could this have been due to Drift's problem with yeast? This may also account for Wurzle and Specky's refusal to participate in the regroups, though there wuz some specky-lation about what exactly they were doing together in the bushes.
Kelinchi showed In the Bum just how you short-cut, whilst Pocket Rocket showed everyone else just how you tie your laces whilst falling down.
The run proved to have taken too long (especially with the walk to the on-inn) for Dog Breath and Loose Article.
In the circle Drinkerbell reminded us to get orders in for hash-fash whilst the pretzels were dished out in a half-assed attempt to win everyones approval for the short run.
Sinners were the usual bunch, Wurzle and Specky for their shrubbery action, Honey for athletic audacity and Pocket Rocket for his return to earth.
The youth section inflicted a new song on us which inspired Dangerous to photograph them for the album cover.
Thank you for an excellent evening and nice to see the RA's are getting to grips with the English weather.
Dingers ... See MoreSee Less
A rare but welcome sighting of Sir Whinceton Peckerup outside Guildford. ... See MoreSee Less
Could whoever has my kit order left over from last week bring it tonight? Thanks, LG ... See MoreSee Less
Anybody fancy the Great British Beer Festival at Olympia on the evening of August 10th? ... See MoreSee Less
Reminder: Tomorrow is last call for Hash Fash until September's order! ... See MoreSee Less
Just one or two Mondays in December left in 2017 for those who like to take advantage of setting a SHORTER TRAIL for a dark evening.
Please note a) the addition of the Woking Beer Festival run on Wednesday, October 11th that Camping Gaz is jointly organising with Beer Lovers of Woking Jogging on Blacktop; b) LP's Nativity Run on Saturday December 9th.
Please let me know if any designated hare has a problem with her/his date below.
On On Otaho
1687 July 24th 2017 Wally Worplesdon Place
1688 July 31st 2017 Specky Blackheath
1689 August 7th 2017 Call Girl
1690 August 14th 2017 Chastity Belt
1691 August 21st 2017 Cynthia & In The Bum
1692 August 28th (Bank Hol) 2017 Camping Gaz
1693 Sat Sept 2nd 2017 Groper nuptial w/e
1694 Sun Sept 3rd 2017 Call Girl nuptial w/e
1695 Sept 4th 2017 Dr Pussy
1696 Sept 11th 2017 Frigidaire / Inspector Gadget ?
1697 Sept 18th 2017 Drift
1698 Sept 25th 2017 Honey?
1699 Oct 2nd 2017 Bodyshop
1700 Oct 9th 2017 Wurzel
1701 Oct 16th 2017 RHUM ?
1702 Sat Oct 21st 11:00am Drinkerbell / Ladygarden Oktoberfest Guildford Station
1703 Oct 23rd 2017 Satisfaction Guaranteed
1704 Oct 30th 2017 Wipe Clean
1705 Nov 6th 2017 Poola Radcliffe
1706 Nov 11th 2017 Camping Gaz, BLOWJOB, Woking Beer Festival
1707 Nov 13th 2017 Kelinchi
1708 Nov 20th 2017 OTAHO
1709 Nov 27th 2017 Inspector Gadget?
1710 Dec 4th 2017
1711 Dec 9th 2017 Little Pecker Nativity run
1712 Dec 11th 2017
1713 Dec 18th 2017 Ding-a-Ling Advent-ure
1714 Dec 25th? 2017
1715 Jan 1st 2018 Daring Alice & Alison
Emergency spare-hare : 2017 Ladygarden ... See MoreSee Less
Hare: Dogbreath & Bagbreath
Location: Church Crookham
A Romantic evening with bad breath in Hampshire
Caesar’s camp near Church Crookham is described in Wikipedia as having been initiated in the late Bronze Age with 3 subsequent phases of Iron Age development. However, Wikipedia can never be trusted. The name was in fact coined when the camp Caesar Julian took advantage of the safety of its hill to shout insults at the revolting Brexiteer Celts below: “Weany, Weedy, Weaky”, before retiring for his jam for tea.
Halitus Canis and filius Halitus Saccus, were the halitosic hares for this GH3 incursion into Hampshire. They had profligately arranged not one chariotpark but two. By some subconscious pull, a few hashers, including Melculum, Tribus et Quattor Denarius, and Domina Garrilutasley were attracted to the park of a newly built Care Home offering dementia and nursing care and consequently had to walk a league to join the rest of the pack.
HC, in his lepus-talk, revealed that the trail was marked with sawdust to avoid confusion (as if) with that recently laid in flour by North Hants hash. In the same dogbreath he also mentioned that there were some nasty ants around, or that might have been another reference to N Hants. The On Out was past a sign proclaiming “Three Doggy Doos” as if in celebration of HC, HS and CanisStylus.
As we entered the Long Valley MOD high speed training area, a concept foreign to most hashers, Radix Germanicus made a pretence of being a tumbling tosser. Actually he was intent on smearing with blood, and so camouflaging, the knee that was protruding through his Roman-era red trousers. The Pict Pro was also prominent, although again having failed to procure any Virgo Hispanicus for the hash. Periculosus was dressed in red and green which occasioned Satisfactio Praestitus to question whether he was of Bulgarian origin. In an area of shiggius maximus we became first entrenched in a bog and then bogged down in a trench. We passed another sign proclaiming that ‘You are being watched by the Hampshire police’; possibly their helicopter crews have learnt a trick or two from the S.Yorkshire police aerial voyeurs.
Caesar’s camp itself was ring-fenced, having recently been used for a rock concert which had left much heavy metal behind. On the hill-slopes, Domina Garrilutasley, to mask all the halitosic air, generously offered around some Haribo jelly babies, obviously confiscated from Mr and Little Miss Chatterboxes.
Back at the circle, Halitus Saccus was ordained as a returnee, whilst Wallius and G-Potentia were called out as peccator and peccatrix for having been heard talking nostalgia. However Wallius was already in the domus publicus and so Morsus Levis was sanctioned in his stead – in loco Walliis. Vapore Castrum introduced some new songs for the down-downs – this was innovating, but the ‘singing’ was just as enervating as usual. After some searching Medicus Felis found a first-aid kit with which to swab RG’s bloody knee; a sewing kit was declined.
Many thanks to the halitosic pater & filius lepi for a great trail with some beautiful scenery: it was far and away the best Hampshire hash of the year to date and it provided a breath of fresh air.
On On, OTAHO
Giant snowrat following track: ... See MoreSee Less
Just run with Wurzel today and he informed me North Hants has set a trail today in the same area GH3 are running tomorrow so DB it might be a good idea to lay our trail in Lentil or coloured flour. On On Bods ... See MoreSee Less
Just to let everyone know, the Hash T-shirts have finally arrived and I will bring them along tomorrow. On On! ... See MoreSee Less
Hare: 5 Bucks, 5 Bucks, 5 Bucks
Location: Woking Leisure Centre
The GH3 web-site used to say something to the effect "The UK's friendliest hash". Presumably that was taken down after the first two minutes of Five Bucks trying to explain the fun he had in store for everybody.
He'd got the beer wrong, the toilet roll he was using had pulled out of the Paris Agreement, the impurities in the ice had affected the melting point and subsequently the drinks that had been provided weren't at the correct temperature.
After 45 minutes or so of explaining that for some inexplicable reason he was squaring the circle with four dots in each corner he may well have gone on to solve the Riemann hypothesis, unravel the Molyneux problem or figure out how to get 30 hashers to do anything more complicated that fulfil basic bodily needs without some abysmal failure.
Anyway, he finally shut-up and only then started laying the trail whilst asking for a ten minute head-start. After about two minutes some of the pack set off, the rest made it another three minutes or so - possibly only because there didn't appear to be any bins at all in the vicinity.
If there's any place in the world that needs bins it's Woking. I'll get onto discarded rappers later.
All in all at this point it was looking like a clear front-runner for the golden boot.
The foolish hare had also managed to equip a number of hashers with chalk. The inevitable trips to casualty to remove the chalk from the various orifices it can be pushed into aside, this left the ones with a modicum of creativity free reign to deface and appal the three or four residents of Woking who are at a basic reading level.
Since the three Woking runs on the bounce a few years ago it's generally been the hash equivalent of Chenobyl. Five Millmead hashes this year have overturned the ostrification of the zone and put it alongside Hull as a popular cultural destination.
Back to the rappers - this week we were joined by Rhum DMC, Mix the Tracks, 5 Cent (the hare), Kanye Gaz, Dr Dre-pus, Busta Blanket, Fast and Loose Article, Puff Specky, OTA HO-selector, Snoop Doggy-style, LL Cool Bods - amongst others.
For the hashers who don't know what a rapper is, it's someone who can't sing reciting Dr Seuss with rude words.
For the hashers who don't know who Dr Seuss is then imagine someone a bit like Edward Lear that can rhyme. For goodness sake Ted! -
"There was an Old Lady of Chertsey,
Who made a remarkable curtsey;
She twirled round and round,
Till she sunk underground,
Which distressed all the people of Chertsey."
- what were you thinking!?
Er, hopefully you aren't too busy at work today.
The run progressed through streets of outstanding urban banality. The coloured chalk helper marks blending in seamlessly with the markings made by the gas-board for infra-structure repair. Little Fecker waylaid an officer of the law in the same way Dick Turpin probably did.
Things started looking up near the end with a little bit of greenery until it was found to be leading further away from the promised climactic finish at the car-park. It was at this point I joined Gee-Z and took an alternate route back.
Incredibly the following unlikely quintet had seemingly overtaken the hare to be first back: Rhum, ITB, Wally, Ferret and Bods.
More astoundingly, the live hare was 14th back!
I'm sure many of us enjoyed the run immensely and had found the challenge both insightful and educational, but the final sorry bunch consisting of Specky, Loose Article, Dog Breath and MTT looked like they'd been dragged through the bush, across the canal, keel-hauled and then put in the Braun Disheveller 2000 for a couple of hours.
All good things come to an end. Fortunately so did run 1685.
The R.A. pointed out the Little Fecker, Inspector Gadget, Frigidaire and Groper hadn't really been upholding the spirit of the live-hare thing.
Shouts of "Free the Woking One!" were followed by suggestions were that they only set off early in order to get back before their vehicles appeared on EBay.
Cynthia was picked up for calling a false trail falsely.
Well done and thanks to the Big Humper!
Dingers ... See MoreSee Less
So Sorry to have missed you but was on the loo.. in Copenhagen! ... See MoreSee Less
How's this for a bit of parking. A pistoffen hash special or is it a GH3 hasher........umm, I wonder who! ... See MoreSee Less
Location: Millmead, Guildford
Just twenty one years ago history was made in the USA when Will Smith released the epic alien invasion blockbuster Indendence Day. The events portrayed are now considered a lucky escape by most citizens of the British Empire and serious thought is being put into ceeding Liverpool.
A broad spectrum of effort was made by the various subjects. The Chatterlies, the Doctor, Track Minder, Clean Wipe, the Peck-meister and that Australian bloke from the telly that prods dangerous animals were the ones nearest the podium. Many were turned away at the competition door.
Personally, I thoroughly enjoyed cycling to the event in my glad-rags as I had the chance to observe and compare other exercise groups like British Military Fitness and a bunch of local runners to our magnificent club. Makes you appreciate that it takes all-sorts to make a world.
It was a good turn-out for the event - In the Ass, Raccoon, American Chopper, Delta Force, Drift-Woody Allen, Old MacDonald's Brook, amongst the many that turned out.
The hare failed to turn up for the circle and it soon proved that it was being organised by someone who belonged to a-bomber-nation. Taco-bell, dressed up ready to change the colours, pelted the pelaton with water-bombs. Though all shook up by the incredibly strong G&T the moody red, white and blues made it though with Gazzlehoff doing a slow-mo' Wey-side run.
Gonzo journalism was a style of journalism popularised in the 1970, so it's great to find nobody from that time knows who Hunter S. Thompson is. He'd forgotten his typewriter anyhow. Twin Peaks and TitBit, who isn't allowed to say his own hash-name, had brought along a hound dog.
Obviously for once I really need Americanize hash trash and 4 bob, 3 shillings and 9 pence stepped up to explain that Ollie was like a line-backer trying to penetrate the tight-end and sack the quarterback. Also, Lady Pocahoegaarden had dressed authentically as a Dakota Access oil pipeline protester.
I'm sure there is more that could be said. One could pontificate on why Doctor Who had turned up, or how, after throwing up in their garden, Taco-bell had managed to persuade her neighbours not only to help out on the run but to get one of them to dress up like Ginger-Spice in a UK flag number.
Also, why did Under D. come dressed as the Undertaker from WWF?
Ah well, questions for a later date. After much a hoo-ha, everyone made it around and raised a green plastic mug to the following:
Virgin - Just Ollie, Visitor - My Whippy.
Helpers - John and James.
As ever, the Doctor (not the one with a scarf) was a sinner, this week for a peeping-pervy-pedestrian appreciating a little too much anatomy and physiology. Lady Pocahoegaarden for throwing his beer out with the bath-water. Wipe Clean and Just Ollies special relationship was also found to have a little too much biology involved. Just Julian for running into a runner.
We were lucky this week to find that hashing does actually have a rule.
So, rule one of Hashing:
* If one 'Merican drinks, they all drink.
Let's not forget that one for future circles.
I also have a note about the MOAB (mother of all beers), something about checkin' chickenwings and the other-side of the pond no longer being there as Drinkerbell drank the pond. I'm sure they'd have been great inclusions.
Let us finish with something wise from the Hare -
"I'm not very good at words."
Thank you very much!
Dingers ... See MoreSee Less